I know all y’all have an iPhone. Everyone does. But did you know what you can do with them besides call your BFF and ask if he/she knows where you are? Here’s a lesson in what’s already here from the “Future.”
Most of us find ourselves in a strange and mysterious place from time to time. Happens to me pretty much every day. Memory loss can be a benefit. Problem is we want something but don’t know where it is. Well there’re apps for the iPhone that can tell you.
After you download one of these apps from somewhere in the future (when we are way more evolved) the rest is simple. Turn on the built in camera and point it. The GPS knows where you are within a yard or two. The apps grabs a reading from the built-in compass so it knows which direction you’re pointed. It adds that to the GPS location and the image on the screen. It then connects with a gigantic server located in a secret orbiting starbase. Using these three items it tells you what’s in the picture.
For example if you’re in New York City you may point the camera at the Empire State Bldg. it will suddenly display a little label claiming “That’s the Empire State Building you simple minded tourist.” OK, maybe it’s not rude.
But here’s the alleged benefit. Suppose you’re looking for a subway station or a Subway sandwich shop. One of the many labels on the screen may actually use the word “Subway” in the view on your iPhone. One problem is the subway you’re looking for might be on the other side of the building in front of you but its not clever enough to let you know that.
But that’s not the point. The point is we’re getting to a place in the space/time continuum in which we will be tied to these little screens in ways that interfere with what we actually see in front of us.
The old TomTom navigation device that I USED TO HAVE!!! It would show two parallel lines and a car icon when I was on the freeway! I could look out the window and get more information than that. But I still looked at it. It was a brain dead useless device so we’ll speak no more of it. I have a Garmin now. Life is good.
Only now that I have a GPS that actually has pertinent information about where I am, where I’m headed, and what road I’m on, how far above sea level I am, my blood pressure, etc, I rely on it a lot. In the old days I’d use maps to get near a destination and then make 42 wrong turns within a block of the target. Now I just glance at the dashboard and see that it would be dumb to turn left here because the GPS says turn right. So I turn right. I obey well.
Another magical device we all know is the cell phone. It’s one of the things your iPhone can do – hence the name. Did you know that?
The cell phone has a long list of negative synonyms because very few of us really like having everyone able to reach us any time no matter what we’re doing. You have to balance this with the idea that we can bother anyone we know at any time day or night.
A while back I got a call from a cousin on my cell phone. It was during a party. I could hear everyone having a good time. Apparently the cell phone decided to make the call all on its own because nobody responded when I said “hello” 50 times. I clicked off but since I didn’t originate the call it continued to tie up my cell phone. Finally I powered it off. These are some of the many benefits we’ll appreciate in the future.
I like the cell phone and the fact that I don’t have to sit by a home phone waiting for a call or look for a pay phone when I need to make a call. When it starts its Sarah Palin impression it’s very very bad. (That refers to watching the “news” on TV but get nothing worth seeing because everyone is obsessed with Caribou Barbie, the TomTom of politicians)
So here’s my advice: Get the newest iPhone. Don’t resist, don’t try to delay the inevitable. We are already in the future. Oh, and get one of those new iPod Nanos. Those things are so cool; it has a video camera so you can record videos of stuff you do all day and then play them back on your home TV to prove to your skeptical spouse that your day was a drag. It’s way better than just whining all the time.
Also, get a riding mower. Makes no difference how relevant it is to your life and/or yard, just get one, they’re just fun. Get one with an iPhone adaptor.
Al
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