Christine Issues Orders

“In Other News We Turn to the Difficult Life of Britney Spears”:

Leading up to the Iowa Caucuses we kept hearing the smart suave news commentators telling us the results won’t mean much because it’s not a real vote, January weather will effect results, history, blah blah blah. So this morning the same dudes are predicting who will be the next president based on the Iowa results.

On the day the Iowa results are announced everyone is talking about how they knew it would go this way and how it shows what’s going to happen in November what’s next and oh my my. And how does Christine handle it? “The Alaska Way Viaduct needs to be replaced by 2012 or I will tear it down.”

Dang, she must be a Hillary supporter.

Anyway, we only half expect Christine to personally take one of those big orange machines start hacking away at the viaduct. Sure would be entertaining.

To bring us up to date:

· After declaring years ago that we have to replace the viaduct immediately due to earthquake damage we still don’t have an agreeable plan.

· Ron, the King County Executive, wants to replace it with a new viaduct.

· Greg, the mayor, wanted a tunnel instead but that adds about a billion bucks to the cost. Probably a lot more.

· Last year they decided to see how voters felt about it in a “non-binding, completely advisory” vote. They only asked Seattle voters because it has more dead voters or something. But instead of asking “which do you prefer?” they asked two separate questions. So everyone who wanted the replacement voted “yes” to that and “no” to the tunnel. Everyone who wanted the tunnel voted “yes” to that and “no” to the replacement. Everyone who has either already passed away or otherwise didn’t care voted “no” to both questions. So the “no” votes outnumbered the “yes” votes. Politicians couldn’t see how that could happen. Duh. So now everyone is saying the citizens have made their choice clear, and they don’t want either solution, even though the total number of “yes” votes clearly says they WANT A SOLUTION. Sorry, I’ll calm down now.

· So Greg proposed a really cool plan to replace the 6 lane viaduct freeway by installing timed traffic lights on the surface streets. He’s so funny. Have you seen his nightclub act?

· Christine wants it replaced with a new viaduct but will accept a tunnel if Greg can find the extra money (maybe we can grab some of Oregon’s when they’re not looking).

· Christine already has $2.8 billion just waiting to begin work on the Viaduct.

· Several other panic stricken roadway zombies are trying to get that viaduct money and spend it on the Evergreen Point Floating Bridge replacement because they say it’s in more danger. Sissies.

So today Christine says she’s going to demolish the existing structure in 2012 and people better get to work and agree on a replacement plan. Yikes.

I’m still confused about why that “non-binding advisory” vote last year is considered the will of the “people.” As I pointed out the real result is people want a replacement. That’s clear. It’s like asking a class of 10th graders “How many want to go to the park?” and then “How many want to go to the beach?” And then announcing, “You kids seem indecisive so we’ll just stay here and study.”

Why did that vote only involve Seattle people? Oh, yeah, it was advisory and non-binding so there was no reason to involve everyone who would eventually have to pay for it. Don’t want to wake up the whole neighborhood just to check which way the wind is blowing.

Oh, and what about Britney? I don’t care!

Al