Once the boat is registered and the TSA, FBI, and CSI are all informed of your criminal background you can go for a boat ride.
Skip it. Don’t do it. The world has not returned to an even keel (boating reference) so you aren’t going to get away with it. You need to do some stuff first.
Basically the next step is to apply the registration numbers to the sides of the boat. It’s a rusted aluminum boat. “How can aluminum rust?” you might say. “It does” is pretty much what Indiana boaters would answer.
See, here’s the thing. A boat with a checkered past already has a registration number and an annual permit sticker. The latest one is dated 1995. It’s like the annual license plate appliqué except it’s much bigger. You have to remove it.
Removal of the past is very similar to removing a personal past you may not be proud of: it takes lots of hard work. In this case it took a putty knife, paint scraper, Swiss Army knife, and several illegal chemicals.
Unfortunately the paint went away with the old numbers. I chose yellow as my registration number color because the old rowboat was green. Seemed like a good contrast. The game warden sits on a bridge and looks at boats with binoculars. The registration number should show up good. Yellow does not show up good against bare aluminum. Toxic chemicals removed the green paint and the yellow numbers now blend in with the bare aluminum background. Guess what happened next?
No, you’re wrong. Indiana game wardens are looking for drunks. Drinking on a boat is pretty much the primary crime and your boat registration number is only relevant if you’re driving your boat like a drunken sailor. Old bald guys with four horse motors don’t rate a second look.
Why did I bother to register my boat then? Well, ummm, OK, why? “Law and Order,” that’s why. Suppose somebody, say a pontoon boat load of Amish, were to commit some crime on the high seas. The Game Warden has to investigate. If he/she finds a feral rowboat with a four horse motor it goes in the report. Years later I might have to explain it. I don’t like explaining stuff; particularly when my explanation requires me to make stuff up. It’s hard work.
And that’s the point: why go to a lot of trouble when you can simply glue a number on the side of the boat and avoid making up more stuff?
Well, it’s not that easy. You can buy a kit of 1143 sticky numbers, letters, and special characters. But do you know anyone who can glue a string of numbers on the side of a boat all even and correctly spaced? Me neither.
It turns out you can go to a marina (up scale, of course) and show your registration paper and they will make you a perfect set numbers for your boat, perfectly spaced and everything. It all goes on in one easy step. OK four easy steps, but the result looks professional.
They have these NC machines (NC means “Computer”) and plotter/cutter devices that can produce a perfect set of registration numbers. You take that set of numbers back to the boat and apply it like a decal or fake tattoo.
Nothing could be easier. OK, a couple of things are easier, but applying registration numbers is right up there.
The hard part is removing the old numbers. The paint goes with them.
Oh, and another hard part is getting them right side up. If you sit in the boat leaning over the side the odds are 50-50 it will be upside down.
Think about it. There you are, novice boat owner, your first registration numbers, and your first putty knife. Would things go perfect? Hell no.
Here’s the challenge: explain to the Game Warden that you are completely sober, were not fishing (even though there are a couple of dead fish in the boat), and have a legal, bono fide, registration for this exact boat. And all your proof is back at the dock. If you can do that you’re a true boater. If not you lose your boat. They take it away.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. Got the perfect set of numbers all spaced correctly and ready to apply. Cleaned off the old numbers and paint (dangit) where the new numbers were to go. In an amazing burst of clear thinking the new numbers are right side up. Don’t know how that happened.
Then the 2009/2010 permit sticker went on. That way I’m good well into next year. It’s practically magic. Don’t count on it.
The first trip on the river began on a clear evening, not a cloud in the sky. The weather people said there was a 50% chance of rain the following day. Given these clues can you guess what happened? We got soaked.
The deal is you have to get at least 30 minutes from the dock under clear skys. The next thing is it rains. Clear skys don’t count. Weather reports don’t count. It only matters that you’re at least 30 minutes away from any shelter. That’s a key number. Remember it. Next time you go out in an open boat in Indiana without rain gear set a timer for 29 minutes and head back. Trust me.
On the other hand, Indiana weather is also around 90 degrees on a “clear” summer night. So a little rain is welcome. It gives you a chance to watch those yellow numbers floating by in the water as you glide toward the dock.
Al
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