Driving downtown and parking in Seattle are getting pretty bad. You need to haul a pile of cash or perhaps a credit card. They have these little stands that spit out a card you tape in your passenger side window.
The other alternative is to find a parking garage. There are two kinds. One kind you get to park your own heap. The other kind you hand your keys over to some kind of freaky looking dude who allegedly parks it for you. When you get it back half the gas is gone. Don’t touch the tires because they’ll be real hot.
There’s another way. Park free in one of the palatial Park and Ride lots in suburbia. They have a little more room between cars so you don’t have to climb out through the sunroof like you do in a downtown lot.
The next thing you do is get on a bus. That’s an adventure you have to enjoy. You might as well enjoy it because all those parking lot valets ride the bus too. It’s real cozy.
I use the ORCA pass. It’s one of those rfid enabled devices. Works a lot like the GoodToGo Pass (or EZPass for you easterners). You get on the bus and just pass the card in front of the reader. Don’t even have to “swipe” it like a credit card. The LCD shows you have much you paid. Lots less than parking downtown.
Now I have two rfid cards. My driver’s license is rfid. I can go to Canada. I still have to get out of my vehicle and sit in Canadian Customs for an hour but at least I can come back to America.
On a recent errand I decided to see if Glen, the Lake Boren Carp, needed anything from the big city. He said that place gives him the willies. Ever seen a giant carp with the willies? That’s give me the willies.
He said last time he went to Pike Place Market they tossed him around and he ended up on a pile of fresh produce from Snohomish County.
He gave me a check to turn in at the King County Court House. He was paying off a ticket from a non-motorized citation. After reading it over we both decided it would not be in our best interest to appeal. He said he had a headache. Here’s what it said:
START OF CITATION
Dear Mr. Carp;
Please remit $20 fine to King County Superior Court for the following offence:
Subject, named in citation, has been known to frequent establishments where certain activities heretofore have been banned in alternative venues however notwithstanding are unacceptable given a specific set of guidelines not generally practiced by the general population in general based on the prevailing meteorological currents and vectors owing to unmentioned established parameters not excluding those previously delineated frequently in as yet unwritten tenets not defined at the present time insofar as it has been previously documented in various prognostications not yet uttered in these domains based on the preponderance of evidence insomuch as could conceivably be anticipated by a fictitiously reasonable practitioner of such prognostications and random pusillanimous prevaricators.
Thanks you for your attention to this notice:
Signed; Super Prosecutor, King County, Washington, USA, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy. (Unreadable signature goes here)
END OF CITATION
Speaking of ORCA cards you can ride five bus lines, three ferry systems, any Sound Transit train, and more. Glen is a little leery of a card that’s named for something that would eat him. So don’t look for Glen on the bus.
Oh, how did my errand go? Well I got to the courthouse and paid the $20 for Glen. The clerk stared at me like I was from outer space. Oops, he used a carp check. Those things don’t translate to human money. So I quickly handed over a Jackson and got quick smile.
Then I forgot the other reason I was downtown so I just wandered around admiring all the big buildings. Seattle can be both interesting and intimidating at the same time. At one point I spotted the parking enforcement officer and decided to have a little fun.
I read about this in an email a few months ago. I walked up as the ticket was being written. I began to rant about how unfair it was for Seattle to victimize senior citizens with these outrageous parking fees. I called the officer a Fascist and that earned a second ticket under the wiper. At that point I began calling attention to the fact that the officer was on the verge of popping uniform buttons and something about how it’s amazing they could find a hat big enough for such a fat head. The car got a third ticket.
I thanked the officer for our nice little chat and walked away.
Then I remembered the original errand I went to town for. I need an iPad. OK, I don’t really need one but what’s the difference? It was about then I also remembered the current models don’t have 3G. So I need to wait.
Back to the bus tunnel for the ORCA ride to Bellevue. It only took me an hour to find my heap in the Park and Ride lot. Made it home in time for Dancing. Another glorious day in retirement land.
Al
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