I know you’re as excited as I am about the next election. Apparently the excitement has infected others with a rash of registration head colds and post nasal fake votes. Gosh I’m clever.
Once again Christine and Dino are going toe to toe in a battle for the governorship of Washington State. And once again thousands of dead, felonious, and non-existent people will troop to the polls and vote.
Real voters vote by mail. Most of the state is converting to the mail voting system which is easier and probably cleaner. You don’t have to go to a school with thousands of contaminated kids and clouds of germs.
I know many people like the idea of voting in person. It’s almost a social event. You bump into a neighbor who you thought was pretty smart and he’s got a large button for the wrong candidate. On the way home you TP his house and kick off a multiyear feud. What fun.
Voting from home you don’t have to mix with convicted felons and dead people. And you can get out your ballot and all the other ballots in your household and vote as many times as you want. The Post Office is happy with the process because those oversized envelopes require extra postage even though they’re much easier for the sorters to handle.
Another advantage of voting from home is you don’t have to spell your name 27 times to help the volunteer find it in the registration book. It was always a mystery to me how a private matter, such as voting, required you to bellow your name loud enough for the polling person to hear and then spell it over and over. Showing your voter registration card doesn’t help because the printing is too small for volunteer eyes to see.
Outside you’re accosted by pollsters who ask who you voted for. Right. I NEVER respond to polls except when they block my way and then my response has nothing to do with their question.
“Excuse me sir, do you have $100?” “Yes.” “OK, give it to me.”
I don’t mind saying hi and passing a little time but don’t ask me who I want to govern me. I’d have to spell my name again. The person I want in charge of my life is myself.
Voting by mail eliminates those electronic voting machines as well. You know the ones that can be hacked, leave no paper, and quit working just as it’s your turn to vote? The good news is they prevent recounts, so they aren’t all bad.
OK, let’s see if we can think of a problem with voting by mail. Hmmm. Too many procrastinators will wait too long and their ballots will fail to make the postmark deadline. Or they’ll forget to sign. Or they leave little messages or hearts in the margins. Or they get so annoyed at seeing a certain name they rip up and throw it away.
Then there’s the chance of voter fraud. In a polling place a real person has to show up and loudly spell his/her name 27 times. At home one person can vote hundreds of times. So it seems ballot fraud might be a problem. But don’t forget, each ballot requires validation that a registered voter with that name and address is on the list. So the real fraud is in registration.
You’ve probably seen some news about a nationwide “civic” organization that’s been responsible for bulk fake registrations. I won’t mention the name because search engines would find my blog and they seem like a nasty bunch. Several states have arrested members of that group for filing hundreds of fake registrations. They have political agenda bias and swinging certain elections is a good way to promote it.
Dino and Christine are getting pretty nasty already. They both claim the other one is responsible for everything that went bad in America since Columbus. My phone rings several times a day with some candidate begging for my support. I tell them they can have my full support as long as they promise not to call me anymore. Doesn’t work. Nothing does.
Al
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