HOT Lanes

I’ve been measured for a bobble head. It’s probably going to attract a few thousand fans. That’s the point of a bobble head: attract fans. What kind of fans? Basically people who collect bobble heads.

One reason is because of my vast experience with HOV lanes and HOT lanes. Washington uses transponders on the Tacoma Narrows bridges to lets people cross without having to stop at the toll booth. This is a big fad around the nation. Many of your bigger cities collect tolls this way.

The transponder goes in the windshield behind the rear view mirror. Yes, that’s right; that mirror in the middle of your windshield is for looking behind you, not for putting on makeup at 70 mph. The toll authority, Dubai or somebody, has a device that can read the ID of your transponder and send a message to the accounting department. It deducts another $12.50 from your bank account. The whole process is electronic so don’t even try to argue.

HOV lanes are set up so that car pools, busses, and dog sleds can use them to get past all the single occupant vehicles. Now individual drivers can buy a transponder and drive in the HOV lane if they’re willing to pay. They call it HOT lanes. However, in order to enforce the rules we’ll need to have somebody watching. The state Patrol will watch for single drivers using the HOT lanes without a transponder. What you do is buy one of my fake transponder decals. Paste it in your windshield and anybody looking will think it’s real. If the state patrol catches you then you may find it would have been a LOT cheaper to get a real one. And, since the state makes a whole lot of money when they catch a fake they slip me a little rebate – so everyone wins.

Washington has spent millions installing HOT lanes on the Valley Freeway. This is a daily jam up road from Auburn to Renton that’s been under construction for decades. Now you can drive from Renton to Auburn in the HOV lane and pay HOT money to avoid the slow lanes or use my fake decal and it’s free. The radio stations tell you how many minutes you can save by using that lane. “The Valley Freeway HOT Lane will save you three minutes today, but you’ll lose that when you get to I-405 because it’s stopped.” Public service.

That means there are several decisions to make each time you hit the road. How many minutes will I save? Is there anyone in the car with me? Can I afford the current HOT price? Will I be able to send my text message before I finish my breakfast burrito? Why in the world am I going to Renton anyway? How can I paint the screen door and power wash the deck if it’s raining? So many decisions you really need my fake transponder decal. Only $89.95.

This multi year study will determine if the state will install this kind of system on other freeways with HOV lanes. In essence they want to know if it relieves traffic congestion. NO. Traffic congestion is based on one simple issue: outlet. Aside from roadside mayhem that causes people to stop and gawk the main reason for congestion is you have to stop at the end points.

I-405 backs up every day because people leaving the freeway have to slow way down and dodge trucks trying to merge onto the freeway. Or dodge HOT lane drivers who have to cross from the far left lane to the right side exit in about 100 feet. Everyone has to stop. So the freeway backs up for miles. Every day. The DOT wants to make it wider. Just means more lanes to stop.

The Renton end of the Valley Freeway is a serious design flaw. If you can’t get onto the I-405 ramp there’s a traffic light on Grady Way that stops all lanes. They need to extend the HOV/HOT lane into the middle of Renton over the top of Grady Way. Then it would be worth the HOT lane fee. And even cheaper if you have a fake transponder.

My fake $89.95 transponder decal comes with a free Bobble Head Al; only $29.95 additional for shipping and potential legal fees. I’ll throw in a little bag so you’ll have a place to keep those annoying tickets.

Al