OK, as a novice (really?) I don't know how all this space got into the post below. However, from now on I won't put photos on the left or right of the text. I think that's what's doing it. Since I don't know how to edit HTML there's no way I can get rid of the space. So keep scrolling.
Guess what? I think I figured it out to some extent. When I uploaded the photos the draft post had photos beside text. After it was published the photos were above and below, leaving the space also above and below, as if there was something there, only backwards. Since it should be squished rather than expanded that doesn't seem right. You dig? Neither do I.
Al
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Coal Creek Parkway Open
Recently Glen, the Lake Boren Carp, was celebrating the completion of the Coal Creek Parkway project. He was giving water ski rides to the squirrels. A Squirrel doesn’t require a lot of speed to water ski.
The greys were lined up to get a turn on the water and the little Douglas finally began joining in as well. Regular news media didn’t report this because they were down at the May Creek Bridge for the ribbon cutting. If there was a person involved they would have reported it.
The south end of the project is Duvall Avenue in Renton. It’s fairly open now except for a few random lane closures. This is a very classy retaining wall that Renton should be proud of. 
Around the corner from the classy wall is the one I predict won’t last. As you can see (assuming your puter can see these photos) there are trees growing out of it. It’s doomed. I just hope nobody gets hurt. For example a retired bald guy getting too close to take a photo.
Continuing north along the new road we come to the new May Creek Bridge. Looking over the railing you can see it’s a very long way down. I never did that before because the old bridge didn’t have enough room for cars and certainly not some random pedestrian. It’s a very long drop if one had to leap over the rail to escape being squished. The new bridge has nice walks on both sides.
The swooping décor is unique on the east side of Lake Washington. I had fun with it.
Then, just for comparison, here’s an old bridge in Indiana. Spring in Indiana this year was very wet.
My boat was floating well above the standard level of the river. As you can see the yellow numbers are expertly applied and professional looking. You can also see why I want to have the boat painted.
OK, back to Coal Creek Parkway. King County took the construction opportunity to build a large pond for rain water. The in thing these days is to hold runoff in ponds to let the debris settle out before releasing it into the streams. This pond is above May Creek.
Up the hill north from May Creek is Wall 104. It’s anchored into the hillside by long bolts and backed up by tons of rock. This stairway goes up to a hiking trail. Us eastsiders have lots of trails where we can wander to and fro hardly knowing where we are. It’s one of the benefits of living in the Bellevue/Newcastle area.
As you can see there’s a handrail on top of the retaining wall. The sidewalk goes up and over the wall while the roadway stays below it. Probably safer that way.
Next up are the Newcastle Oxen. These beasts can haul huge wagon loads of facts and figures about the new roadway construction. If you like facts and figures you’ll just have to wait until these guys bring them to you. My report is all hearsay and rumor.
These next two are the entry and exit portals of the Boren Creek culvert. The crew completely revamped the culvert to make it big enough for Glen to swim in and out of the lake. They’ll deny it had anything to do with the Lake Boren Carp, but we know the truth. It’s hard to see in these photos because I declined to climb down the bank but the culvert is at least six feet around.
Next up is retaining Wall 106. This one is anchored quite far into the hillside in order to make sure the houses on top never come down. There’s a secondary wall topped with a fence and the sidewalk is at street level in this case. This is another retaining wall built for the long haul. I think a number of Volkswagons are stuffed in there to help ballast the wall against any chance of a problem.
Right now you’re probably wondering if there really are 106 retaining walls on Coal Creek Parkway. No. I don’t have a clue why they chose to use those numbers. I don’t do facts and figures. Wait for the oxen.
Al
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
July Project Updates
Coal Creek Parkway Update:
Renton has completed the four lane project on Duvall Avenue. It’s done. One of the fanciest retaining walls I’ve ever seen holds back tons of dirt. Renton must be very proud.
King County Metro is now able to run the 240 bus line back on the regular route except they might need special permission. When the street was closed last year the bus drivers had to get “route deviation” to use Nile Ave NE. The planned opening of Duvall Ave was July 20 but since it opened early the route deviation might still be in effect. I’ll have to check.
Newcastle, on the other hand, has opened all lanes of the new May Creek Bridge. They’re very proud. The Newcastle News headline reads; “City celebrates completion of parkway expansion project.” It’s all about the new bridge. Parts of the Phase 2 section are still being completed. The paver has been working overtime.
My goal now is to walk (or ride my bike) along the route and inspect the quality of the work. It’s my mission. I don’t plan to get near the scary development retaining wall around the corner on SE 95th Way because with all the shrubbery growing out of it I expect it to collapse any second. That wall was not included in the street project but if it falls it could block traffic.
Check out the web site: http://www.coalcreekparkway.com/ and click on the Project Updates button for some photos. They really are proud of the new bridge. The old bridge is the picture you see first.
I-90 Expansion Joints:
At the same time the State DOT (Washdot) has closed the main west bound lanes of I-90 across Lake Washington to replace expansion joints. These joints apparently have cracks. That’s just a term meaning the x-ray machine can see into the metal.
Here’s something I don’t get. In the rest of America (except California) it gets cold in winter and hot in summer. Road materials expand and contract several feet over these temperature variations. Too technical? Think about chewing gum and ice cream.
Western Washington is about 40 degrees all year long. Why are our expansion joints such a big deal? Remember the world class traffic stopping saga of the expansion joints on the new Tacoma Narrows Bridge? Do other states have these issues?
Link Light Rail to Open:
This is July and it’s the month the Link Light Rail will begin revenue service between the downtown bus tunnel and Tukwila. We already have a problem. Sound Transit has been running the trains on intense schedules 20 hours a day to get people used to having them around and to train the drivers. They’re noisy.
Yes, it’s true; these silent electric trains are getting noise complaints. The wheels are made of steel and the track is made of steel. When the trains go around corners the flanges on the steel wheels tend to squeal like an Alaskan Governor resigning from office. Neighbors say it keeps them awake at night.
One neighbor offered to spray the tracks with WD-40. That should do it. If they had routed the line through Renton instead there would be no complaints. People in Renton are also up 20 hours a day trying to figure out how to get out of town. OK, maybe not the same 20 hours that the trains run.
In any case, on July 20 we’ll be able to take our Orca Pass into Seattle’s bus tunnel and catch the Link for a ride to Tukwila. The Orca Pass won’t work, of course, but it’ll be fun to try it and raise a big stink. Once we figure out how to get change for a $20 and try again we’ll be treated to a joyous ride toward the Beacon Hill Tunnel.
At that point we disappear under ground and emerge in a whole different world on Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd… Did you know King County was named before him? Then after the trek down MLK we rise up and over I-5 and sail into Tukwila where we’ll be greeted by hundreds of sleepy people carrying protest signs.
At some point along I-5 we should expect to see giant trucks with expansion joints wending their way to various Washdot projects in every direction. I’m looking forward to it.
Al
Renton has completed the four lane project on Duvall Avenue. It’s done. One of the fanciest retaining walls I’ve ever seen holds back tons of dirt. Renton must be very proud.
King County Metro is now able to run the 240 bus line back on the regular route except they might need special permission. When the street was closed last year the bus drivers had to get “route deviation” to use Nile Ave NE. The planned opening of Duvall Ave was July 20 but since it opened early the route deviation might still be in effect. I’ll have to check.
Newcastle, on the other hand, has opened all lanes of the new May Creek Bridge. They’re very proud. The Newcastle News headline reads; “City celebrates completion of parkway expansion project.” It’s all about the new bridge. Parts of the Phase 2 section are still being completed. The paver has been working overtime.
My goal now is to walk (or ride my bike) along the route and inspect the quality of the work. It’s my mission. I don’t plan to get near the scary development retaining wall around the corner on SE 95th Way because with all the shrubbery growing out of it I expect it to collapse any second. That wall was not included in the street project but if it falls it could block traffic.
Check out the web site: http://www.coalcreekparkway.com/ and click on the Project Updates button for some photos. They really are proud of the new bridge. The old bridge is the picture you see first.
I-90 Expansion Joints:
At the same time the State DOT (Washdot) has closed the main west bound lanes of I-90 across Lake Washington to replace expansion joints. These joints apparently have cracks. That’s just a term meaning the x-ray machine can see into the metal.
Here’s something I don’t get. In the rest of America (except California) it gets cold in winter and hot in summer. Road materials expand and contract several feet over these temperature variations. Too technical? Think about chewing gum and ice cream.
Western Washington is about 40 degrees all year long. Why are our expansion joints such a big deal? Remember the world class traffic stopping saga of the expansion joints on the new Tacoma Narrows Bridge? Do other states have these issues?
Link Light Rail to Open:
This is July and it’s the month the Link Light Rail will begin revenue service between the downtown bus tunnel and Tukwila. We already have a problem. Sound Transit has been running the trains on intense schedules 20 hours a day to get people used to having them around and to train the drivers. They’re noisy.
Yes, it’s true; these silent electric trains are getting noise complaints. The wheels are made of steel and the track is made of steel. When the trains go around corners the flanges on the steel wheels tend to squeal like an Alaskan Governor resigning from office. Neighbors say it keeps them awake at night.
One neighbor offered to spray the tracks with WD-40. That should do it. If they had routed the line through Renton instead there would be no complaints. People in Renton are also up 20 hours a day trying to figure out how to get out of town. OK, maybe not the same 20 hours that the trains run.
In any case, on July 20 we’ll be able to take our Orca Pass into Seattle’s bus tunnel and catch the Link for a ride to Tukwila. The Orca Pass won’t work, of course, but it’ll be fun to try it and raise a big stink. Once we figure out how to get change for a $20 and try again we’ll be treated to a joyous ride toward the Beacon Hill Tunnel.
At that point we disappear under ground and emerge in a whole different world on Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd… Did you know King County was named before him? Then after the trek down MLK we rise up and over I-5 and sail into Tukwila where we’ll be greeted by hundreds of sleepy people carrying protest signs.
At some point along I-5 we should expect to see giant trucks with expansion joints wending their way to various Washdot projects in every direction. I’m looking forward to it.
Al
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Yachting Under Indiana Weather
Once the boat is registered and the TSA, FBI, and CSI are all informed of your criminal background you can go for a boat ride.
Skip it. Don’t do it. The world has not returned to an even keel (boating reference) so you aren’t going to get away with it. You need to do some stuff first.
Basically the next step is to apply the registration numbers to the sides of the boat. It’s a rusted aluminum boat. “How can aluminum rust?” you might say. “It does” is pretty much what Indiana boaters would answer.
See, here’s the thing. A boat with a checkered past already has a registration number and an annual permit sticker. The latest one is dated 1995. It’s like the annual license plate appliqué except it’s much bigger. You have to remove it.
Removal of the past is very similar to removing a personal past you may not be proud of: it takes lots of hard work. In this case it took a putty knife, paint scraper, Swiss Army knife, and several illegal chemicals.
Unfortunately the paint went away with the old numbers. I chose yellow as my registration number color because the old rowboat was green. Seemed like a good contrast. The game warden sits on a bridge and looks at boats with binoculars. The registration number should show up good. Yellow does not show up good against bare aluminum. Toxic chemicals removed the green paint and the yellow numbers now blend in with the bare aluminum background. Guess what happened next?
No, you’re wrong. Indiana game wardens are looking for drunks. Drinking on a boat is pretty much the primary crime and your boat registration number is only relevant if you’re driving your boat like a drunken sailor. Old bald guys with four horse motors don’t rate a second look.
Why did I bother to register my boat then? Well, ummm, OK, why? “Law and Order,” that’s why. Suppose somebody, say a pontoon boat load of Amish, were to commit some crime on the high seas. The Game Warden has to investigate. If he/she finds a feral rowboat with a four horse motor it goes in the report. Years later I might have to explain it. I don’t like explaining stuff; particularly when my explanation requires me to make stuff up. It’s hard work.
And that’s the point: why go to a lot of trouble when you can simply glue a number on the side of the boat and avoid making up more stuff?
Well, it’s not that easy. You can buy a kit of 1143 sticky numbers, letters, and special characters. But do you know anyone who can glue a string of numbers on the side of a boat all even and correctly spaced? Me neither.
It turns out you can go to a marina (up scale, of course) and show your registration paper and they will make you a perfect set numbers for your boat, perfectly spaced and everything. It all goes on in one easy step. OK four easy steps, but the result looks professional.
They have these NC machines (NC means “Computer”) and plotter/cutter devices that can produce a perfect set of registration numbers. You take that set of numbers back to the boat and apply it like a decal or fake tattoo.
Nothing could be easier. OK, a couple of things are easier, but applying registration numbers is right up there.
The hard part is removing the old numbers. The paint goes with them.
Oh, and another hard part is getting them right side up. If you sit in the boat leaning over the side the odds are 50-50 it will be upside down.
Think about it. There you are, novice boat owner, your first registration numbers, and your first putty knife. Would things go perfect? Hell no.
Here’s the challenge: explain to the Game Warden that you are completely sober, were not fishing (even though there are a couple of dead fish in the boat), and have a legal, bono fide, registration for this exact boat. And all your proof is back at the dock. If you can do that you’re a true boater. If not you lose your boat. They take it away.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. Got the perfect set of numbers all spaced correctly and ready to apply. Cleaned off the old numbers and paint (dangit) where the new numbers were to go. In an amazing burst of clear thinking the new numbers are right side up. Don’t know how that happened.
Then the 2009/2010 permit sticker went on. That way I’m good well into next year. It’s practically magic. Don’t count on it.
The first trip on the river began on a clear evening, not a cloud in the sky. The weather people said there was a 50% chance of rain the following day. Given these clues can you guess what happened? We got soaked.
The deal is you have to get at least 30 minutes from the dock under clear skys. The next thing is it rains. Clear skys don’t count. Weather reports don’t count. It only matters that you’re at least 30 minutes away from any shelter. That’s a key number. Remember it. Next time you go out in an open boat in Indiana without rain gear set a timer for 29 minutes and head back. Trust me.
On the other hand, Indiana weather is also around 90 degrees on a “clear” summer night. So a little rain is welcome. It gives you a chance to watch those yellow numbers floating by in the water as you glide toward the dock.
Al
Skip it. Don’t do it. The world has not returned to an even keel (boating reference) so you aren’t going to get away with it. You need to do some stuff first.
Basically the next step is to apply the registration numbers to the sides of the boat. It’s a rusted aluminum boat. “How can aluminum rust?” you might say. “It does” is pretty much what Indiana boaters would answer.
See, here’s the thing. A boat with a checkered past already has a registration number and an annual permit sticker. The latest one is dated 1995. It’s like the annual license plate appliqué except it’s much bigger. You have to remove it.
Removal of the past is very similar to removing a personal past you may not be proud of: it takes lots of hard work. In this case it took a putty knife, paint scraper, Swiss Army knife, and several illegal chemicals.
Unfortunately the paint went away with the old numbers. I chose yellow as my registration number color because the old rowboat was green. Seemed like a good contrast. The game warden sits on a bridge and looks at boats with binoculars. The registration number should show up good. Yellow does not show up good against bare aluminum. Toxic chemicals removed the green paint and the yellow numbers now blend in with the bare aluminum background. Guess what happened next?
No, you’re wrong. Indiana game wardens are looking for drunks. Drinking on a boat is pretty much the primary crime and your boat registration number is only relevant if you’re driving your boat like a drunken sailor. Old bald guys with four horse motors don’t rate a second look.
Why did I bother to register my boat then? Well, ummm, OK, why? “Law and Order,” that’s why. Suppose somebody, say a pontoon boat load of Amish, were to commit some crime on the high seas. The Game Warden has to investigate. If he/she finds a feral rowboat with a four horse motor it goes in the report. Years later I might have to explain it. I don’t like explaining stuff; particularly when my explanation requires me to make stuff up. It’s hard work.
And that’s the point: why go to a lot of trouble when you can simply glue a number on the side of the boat and avoid making up more stuff?
Well, it’s not that easy. You can buy a kit of 1143 sticky numbers, letters, and special characters. But do you know anyone who can glue a string of numbers on the side of a boat all even and correctly spaced? Me neither.
It turns out you can go to a marina (up scale, of course) and show your registration paper and they will make you a perfect set numbers for your boat, perfectly spaced and everything. It all goes on in one easy step. OK four easy steps, but the result looks professional.
They have these NC machines (NC means “Computer”) and plotter/cutter devices that can produce a perfect set of registration numbers. You take that set of numbers back to the boat and apply it like a decal or fake tattoo.
Nothing could be easier. OK, a couple of things are easier, but applying registration numbers is right up there.
The hard part is removing the old numbers. The paint goes with them.
Oh, and another hard part is getting them right side up. If you sit in the boat leaning over the side the odds are 50-50 it will be upside down.
Think about it. There you are, novice boat owner, your first registration numbers, and your first putty knife. Would things go perfect? Hell no.
Here’s the challenge: explain to the Game Warden that you are completely sober, were not fishing (even though there are a couple of dead fish in the boat), and have a legal, bono fide, registration for this exact boat. And all your proof is back at the dock. If you can do that you’re a true boater. If not you lose your boat. They take it away.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. Got the perfect set of numbers all spaced correctly and ready to apply. Cleaned off the old numbers and paint (dangit) where the new numbers were to go. In an amazing burst of clear thinking the new numbers are right side up. Don’t know how that happened.
Then the 2009/2010 permit sticker went on. That way I’m good well into next year. It’s practically magic. Don’t count on it.
The first trip on the river began on a clear evening, not a cloud in the sky. The weather people said there was a 50% chance of rain the following day. Given these clues can you guess what happened? We got soaked.
The deal is you have to get at least 30 minutes from the dock under clear skys. The next thing is it rains. Clear skys don’t count. Weather reports don’t count. It only matters that you’re at least 30 minutes away from any shelter. That’s a key number. Remember it. Next time you go out in an open boat in Indiana without rain gear set a timer for 29 minutes and head back. Trust me.
On the other hand, Indiana weather is also around 90 degrees on a “clear” summer night. So a little rain is welcome. It gives you a chance to watch those yellow numbers floating by in the water as you glide toward the dock.
Al
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Hardened criminals in Indiana
Let’s say you have a 30 year old rowboat that you are tired of rowing and would like to find a new way to make it go. That might be a five horse motor or a younger person to row for you.
What if this boat happens to be located around the Indiana area? It could happen, don’t be so skeptical.
Indiana requires a boat to be registered before it can be powered. Even if the power is a younger person rowing – unless it’s a relative and then I guess it’s OK.
A motor requires boat registration. Maybe that’s because Indiana has a horse law – anything that’s referred to as having “horse power” is a horse and therefore must have documents.
Where do we get these alleged documents? License Bureau. The state requires it so you go where the public directly interacts with the state. Man, even asking where shows you’re in for a long day.
Visiting the state license office is kind of a trick. See, Indiana is also out of money so they closed several of these license offices. That means everyone who needs to visit the state has only a few remaining locations.
When you finally find one you need to take a number. “Now serving Number 47” and your ticket is number 259. Don’t worry, it goes fast. 259 will be served by Thursday.
At the head of the line you announce that you have this rowboat that you’d like to power with a five horse motor. Fingerprints! The clerk asks the obvious question: “Do you now or have you ever had fingerprints?”
You answer in a non-committal way, “Maybe, why do you ask?”
This is mistake number one. Never try to evade a question asked by an Indiana State Government Employee. Wait, maybe it’s “Always ignore any question and repeat your first request.” Yeah that’s it.
The state employee patiently explains in small words and slow delivery that you need a birth certificate, Social Security card, and driver’s license from at least three different states or she’s calling the Indiana State Police.
You proudly announce in a voice that fills the whole room that you possess one of those new Washington State Enhanced Driver’s Licenses which you legally obtained with all of the above documents plus a note from President Obama saying it’s a matter of National Security and therefore it takes the place of that other stuff.
The clerk becomes even more patient and explains that Indiana does not recognize Washington as a state and showing a license from Washington State may get you arrested.
“Umm, Ok, sorry, just give me the forms and I’ll fill them out and bring them back whenever you say, your highness.” And the clerk says, “That’s better, and get a haircut, we have standards in Indiana.”
The trick here is to take these words of wisdom from this clerk and rethink your approach. Then locate another license office and try again. Right?
At the next place the clerk, who looks very much like the first one, Uses the “Force” to ask you point blank if you are trying to commit fraud. “We don’t take kindly to folks from the wild west here in Indiana.” You meekly admit that you were trying to fool Indiana into taking the $20 registration fee so you could put a five horse motor on an old rowboat and rob a bank. “Please forgive me.”
The clerk says everything will be fine if you call a police officer to come over and inspect the boat. The officer is the only person capable of copying the registration number onto a piece of paper. No ordinary American can do that.
Fine. You take that experience to the third license office (no other places in Indiana allow the public to speak with an actual state employee). Armed with the knowledge gained from the first two encounters you are pretty sure you have enough answers to satisfy the clerk at the third place. How hard could it be?
Well it was harder than the first two. The main issue was the third clerk couldn’t keep a straight face. Each time she (better looking than the first two but a definite family resemblance) tells you about some obscure and irrelevant requirement she giggles.
You finally accept the fact that some kind of police officer has to inspect the boat and copy the registration number on a sheet of paper. You briefly consider forging a police officer signature but realize that might be worse that the crime of putting a five horse motor on an unregistered $20 rowboat. So you finally accept the inevitable and call the local Sherriff.
The person who answers the phone has a voice surprisingly like all three of the license clerks and very clearly informs you, the caller, that she is only interested in your name and phone number. She could care less who claims to own the boat, the property owner where the boat is located, or anyone else involved in the boat registration conspiracy – she only cares who called her. Maybe that’s normal. That would be a first in this saga.
Then she says a deputy will be out within 48 hours to look at the boat and sign the magic paper that will eventually allow you to mount a five horse motor on your $20 boat. Oh, and the fee will be $20. That’s because there are no boats worth less than $100 and the fee is 20%. That’s government logic, so don’t question it.
Officer Brian arrives the next day. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I never expected they would actually do it. Anyway, Officer Brian stops by and fills out the paper in 27 seconds, signs it, and leaves. Doesn’t even knock on the door or turn on the lights and siren; just takes care of it and scrams.
So now we have this paper signed by an officer of the law. Now what? Well we take it back to the three clerks and get the boat registered.
Now for the hard part. The registration numbers on the boat have to be exactly what they say, size, color, placement, and applied with a specific glue that’s only approved for use in a marine environment in Indiana.
Are we intimidated? Of course. Just wait until the game warden spots this high crime motor launch cruising across a lake at 2.5 mph sporting a five horse turbo inducted mega flop power unit. We’ll all go to jail.
But we paid the $20 fee. So, everything’s OK. Never mind.
Besides, Indiana says people over 65 can fish without a license. OK, never mind again. People over 65 can put a five horse motor on an unregistered rowboat. And Indiana allows people over 65 to sign official documents as if they were police officers. That’s because Indiana is such a hard place to live that anyone who reaches 65 must have super powers and nobody wants to mess with them. It’s just those frontier hooligans from Washington State with their fake “Enhanced Driver’s Licenses” that they need to keep down.
Al
What if this boat happens to be located around the Indiana area? It could happen, don’t be so skeptical.
Indiana requires a boat to be registered before it can be powered. Even if the power is a younger person rowing – unless it’s a relative and then I guess it’s OK.
A motor requires boat registration. Maybe that’s because Indiana has a horse law – anything that’s referred to as having “horse power” is a horse and therefore must have documents.
Where do we get these alleged documents? License Bureau. The state requires it so you go where the public directly interacts with the state. Man, even asking where shows you’re in for a long day.
Visiting the state license office is kind of a trick. See, Indiana is also out of money so they closed several of these license offices. That means everyone who needs to visit the state has only a few remaining locations.
When you finally find one you need to take a number. “Now serving Number 47” and your ticket is number 259. Don’t worry, it goes fast. 259 will be served by Thursday.
At the head of the line you announce that you have this rowboat that you’d like to power with a five horse motor. Fingerprints! The clerk asks the obvious question: “Do you now or have you ever had fingerprints?”
You answer in a non-committal way, “Maybe, why do you ask?”
This is mistake number one. Never try to evade a question asked by an Indiana State Government Employee. Wait, maybe it’s “Always ignore any question and repeat your first request.” Yeah that’s it.
The state employee patiently explains in small words and slow delivery that you need a birth certificate, Social Security card, and driver’s license from at least three different states or she’s calling the Indiana State Police.
You proudly announce in a voice that fills the whole room that you possess one of those new Washington State Enhanced Driver’s Licenses which you legally obtained with all of the above documents plus a note from President Obama saying it’s a matter of National Security and therefore it takes the place of that other stuff.
The clerk becomes even more patient and explains that Indiana does not recognize Washington as a state and showing a license from Washington State may get you arrested.
“Umm, Ok, sorry, just give me the forms and I’ll fill them out and bring them back whenever you say, your highness.” And the clerk says, “That’s better, and get a haircut, we have standards in Indiana.”
The trick here is to take these words of wisdom from this clerk and rethink your approach. Then locate another license office and try again. Right?
At the next place the clerk, who looks very much like the first one, Uses the “Force” to ask you point blank if you are trying to commit fraud. “We don’t take kindly to folks from the wild west here in Indiana.” You meekly admit that you were trying to fool Indiana into taking the $20 registration fee so you could put a five horse motor on an old rowboat and rob a bank. “Please forgive me.”
The clerk says everything will be fine if you call a police officer to come over and inspect the boat. The officer is the only person capable of copying the registration number onto a piece of paper. No ordinary American can do that.
Fine. You take that experience to the third license office (no other places in Indiana allow the public to speak with an actual state employee). Armed with the knowledge gained from the first two encounters you are pretty sure you have enough answers to satisfy the clerk at the third place. How hard could it be?
Well it was harder than the first two. The main issue was the third clerk couldn’t keep a straight face. Each time she (better looking than the first two but a definite family resemblance) tells you about some obscure and irrelevant requirement she giggles.
You finally accept the fact that some kind of police officer has to inspect the boat and copy the registration number on a sheet of paper. You briefly consider forging a police officer signature but realize that might be worse that the crime of putting a five horse motor on an unregistered $20 rowboat. So you finally accept the inevitable and call the local Sherriff.
The person who answers the phone has a voice surprisingly like all three of the license clerks and very clearly informs you, the caller, that she is only interested in your name and phone number. She could care less who claims to own the boat, the property owner where the boat is located, or anyone else involved in the boat registration conspiracy – she only cares who called her. Maybe that’s normal. That would be a first in this saga.
Then she says a deputy will be out within 48 hours to look at the boat and sign the magic paper that will eventually allow you to mount a five horse motor on your $20 boat. Oh, and the fee will be $20. That’s because there are no boats worth less than $100 and the fee is 20%. That’s government logic, so don’t question it.
Officer Brian arrives the next day. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I never expected they would actually do it. Anyway, Officer Brian stops by and fills out the paper in 27 seconds, signs it, and leaves. Doesn’t even knock on the door or turn on the lights and siren; just takes care of it and scrams.
So now we have this paper signed by an officer of the law. Now what? Well we take it back to the three clerks and get the boat registered.
Now for the hard part. The registration numbers on the boat have to be exactly what they say, size, color, placement, and applied with a specific glue that’s only approved for use in a marine environment in Indiana.
Are we intimidated? Of course. Just wait until the game warden spots this high crime motor launch cruising across a lake at 2.5 mph sporting a five horse turbo inducted mega flop power unit. We’ll all go to jail.
But we paid the $20 fee. So, everything’s OK. Never mind.
Besides, Indiana says people over 65 can fish without a license. OK, never mind again. People over 65 can put a five horse motor on an unregistered rowboat. And Indiana allows people over 65 to sign official documents as if they were police officers. That’s because Indiana is such a hard place to live that anyone who reaches 65 must have super powers and nobody wants to mess with them. It’s just those frontier hooligans from Washington State with their fake “Enhanced Driver’s Licenses” that they need to keep down.
Al
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