What's a Patagonian Toothfish?

The Seattle City Council approved an ordinance that requires grocery stores to charge 20 Cents for each plastic or paper bag. Their thinking is that making people pay for the bags will result in a lot more re-use. Take last week’s bags back and fill ‘em up again.

When the idea was proposed most groceries immediately began offering durable bags for sale. They can be canvas or some form of nylon reinforced frog skin. They popped up all over.

The new bag ordinance is universally panned by all the grocery chains as well as the plastic grocery bag industry. They ran radio ads suggesting people chain themselves to grocery carts in protest. Stores ran petition campaigns (sponsored by the plastics industry) to try and get a billion signatures to defeat the ordinance.

Now, in grocery stores all over the Greater Newcastle Metropolitan area there are big displays right at the door showing reusable bags for sale. It costs about 3 cents for a 12 year old barefoot worker in some remote third world sweatshop to make one. Safeway sells them for a dollar. And they have the Safeway logo all over it. The other stores have their own logos.

So now we have yet another way to pay a business to advertise their name. But it gets better.
The ordinance is only in Seattle. That’s a minor Newcastle suburb somewhere on the other side of Lake Washington. So, if a person in Newcastle wants to pay 20 cents for a grocery bag he/she has to drive to Seattle.

And soon there will be a toll on the SR 520 Bridge. We don’t know how much yet. Could be $2 or $20, depending on some alien formula concocted in the basement of the State Department of Transportation. We call them WSDOT pronounced “wash-dot” sort of cutsie like somebody likes them.

Paying the toll will be easy, just like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and Valley Freeway – just get my $49.95 fake transponder and you can cross as many times as you like until you get caught. Wash-dot calls them “Good To Go” passes but I call it a gold mine.

Christine only has a couple of years before she drives her bulldozer up from Olympia and starts to bash down the Alaska Way Viaduct. Greg, the Seattle Mayor, meanwhile, is proposing car free days in Seattle. That pretty much addresses the issue.

So the scenario is this: You want to get Seattle certified groceries because the local Newcastle Safeway is just not quite as cool as it should be. So you get into the Smart Car and fire that puppy up. That’s the car that’s as long as it is wide so you can park any old way you want. And it gets over 100 MPG. Maybe. Then attach my really cool fake transponder to the windshield and head for the Pike Place Market. The mayor greets you at the Seattle side of the SR 520 Bridge and informs you that it’s a car free day in Seattle. Way cool. Get out and unleash the pin striped baby jogger from the roof of the Smart Car. You don’t have a baby, you use it for cargo. Head for the nearest trendy Seattle food-o-rama. Maybe it’s called Che-Grub or something. Buy a $20 rip-stop nylon bag with the store logo all over it. Get some really fresh bananas that just flew in from Bongo Bongo. And maybe some pinto bean granola and Patagonian Toothfish steaks. Check out and head back to the Smart Car and thence back to Newcastle. Invite the neighbors. Oops, forgot the wine. Dang, the Smart Car is out of gas. So you go downstairs through the library (because you bought one of the 80 condo units above the library) and cross Newcastle Way to Safeway for some gourmet wine in a designer box. And buy a Safeway bag for $1.

Here’s the total: $108.45 for a catfish sandwich and splash of wine. Oh, and a two week old banana. But living in Newcastle requires you to be cool so money is no object. Did you remember to invite Greg, the Mayor? I think he lives in Newcastle too.

Back at the fish fry at your place above the library you get into endless and pointless discussions over who should be elected Governor. Christine or Dino? I’d say vote for Christine, because I really want to see her knock down the Viaduct. Hope she rolls in on a car free day.

Al

Let's get out and Register

I know you’re as excited as I am about the next election. Apparently the excitement has infected others with a rash of registration head colds and post nasal fake votes. Gosh I’m clever.

Once again Christine and Dino are going toe to toe in a battle for the governorship of Washington State. And once again thousands of dead, felonious, and non-existent people will troop to the polls and vote.

Real voters vote by mail. Most of the state is converting to the mail voting system which is easier and probably cleaner. You don’t have to go to a school with thousands of contaminated kids and clouds of germs.

I know many people like the idea of voting in person. It’s almost a social event. You bump into a neighbor who you thought was pretty smart and he’s got a large button for the wrong candidate. On the way home you TP his house and kick off a multiyear feud. What fun.

Voting from home you don’t have to mix with convicted felons and dead people. And you can get out your ballot and all the other ballots in your household and vote as many times as you want. The Post Office is happy with the process because those oversized envelopes require extra postage even though they’re much easier for the sorters to handle.

Another advantage of voting from home is you don’t have to spell your name 27 times to help the volunteer find it in the registration book. It was always a mystery to me how a private matter, such as voting, required you to bellow your name loud enough for the polling person to hear and then spell it over and over. Showing your voter registration card doesn’t help because the printing is too small for volunteer eyes to see.

Outside you’re accosted by pollsters who ask who you voted for. Right. I NEVER respond to polls except when they block my way and then my response has nothing to do with their question.

“Excuse me sir, do you have $100?” “Yes.” “OK, give it to me.”

I don’t mind saying hi and passing a little time but don’t ask me who I want to govern me. I’d have to spell my name again. The person I want in charge of my life is myself.

Voting by mail eliminates those electronic voting machines as well. You know the ones that can be hacked, leave no paper, and quit working just as it’s your turn to vote? The good news is they prevent recounts, so they aren’t all bad.

OK, let’s see if we can think of a problem with voting by mail. Hmmm. Too many procrastinators will wait too long and their ballots will fail to make the postmark deadline. Or they’ll forget to sign. Or they leave little messages or hearts in the margins. Or they get so annoyed at seeing a certain name they rip up and throw it away.

Then there’s the chance of voter fraud. In a polling place a real person has to show up and loudly spell his/her name 27 times. At home one person can vote hundreds of times. So it seems ballot fraud might be a problem. But don’t forget, each ballot requires validation that a registered voter with that name and address is on the list. So the real fraud is in registration.

You’ve probably seen some news about a nationwide “civic” organization that’s been responsible for bulk fake registrations. I won’t mention the name because search engines would find my blog and they seem like a nasty bunch. Several states have arrested members of that group for filing hundreds of fake registrations. They have political agenda bias and swinging certain elections is a good way to promote it.

Dino and Christine are getting pretty nasty already. They both claim the other one is responsible for everything that went bad in America since Columbus. My phone rings several times a day with some candidate begging for my support. I tell them they can have my full support as long as they promise not to call me anymore. Doesn’t work. Nothing does.

Al

Bellevue EL Proposals

B - EL - levue

Bellevue Washington would be considered a big place in almost any state. It includes almost every kind of business and diversion known to any typical American City. It even has some stuff you would expect to find in cities located in foreign lands.

One thing missing is a rail transit system. We know there’s a rail line that traverses the city because they used to run the Spirit of Washington Dinner Train on the track. Some local (loco) leaders think we should run commuter trains on the line.

But in the palatial Bellevue City Hall recently there was a meeting to review options for a light rail connection to the Sound Transit Link yada yada yada system. It’s a mouthful.

They refer to the Bellevue connection as “East Link Light Rail Project” or East Link for short. See the word “Link” has somehow become the keyword for light rail within the Sound Transit regional purview. You’re probably surprise I’d use a word like “purview” but if you did I’d call you pusillanimous.

OK, OK, let’s get right to the funny part: The Bellevue City Council meeting reviewed the “Light Rail Best Practices Final Committee Report” at a meeting. It was the first of three meetings to review the report. Only a committed committee could come up with a name like that. It took them a year to complete the report and the first three months were devoted to hammering out the title.

The Bellevue mayor, Grant Degginger (whose name is also the result of a committee) asked “How do we make our voice known and engage the community?” Grant is such a card. “Use a megaphone!” is pretty much my answer. I usually don’t include politicians’ last names because it normally doesn’t matter, but this guy’s name is a hoot.

So now everyone on the east side of Lake Washington knows the light rail proposal will be known as the EL, short for East Link. Ever been to Chicago? They have the El and it’s been around since French explorers from Québec discovered the Calumet Skyway in 1066 BC. I may have my history a little fogged up, but don’t forget one of my rules: Accuracy – Optional.

The committee also provided some principles: “the light rail system should enhance, not diminish, the quality and character of Bellevue; the system needs to connect places where people want to go; the city should anticipate project impacts and advocate for exceptional mitigation;…” Holy moly, does it get any deeper than that? Still awake?

It took these nimrods a year to come up with this stuff. And here I was loafing and enjoying my retirement. I could have been on that committee. Man I dodged a bullet there!

But, as if that’s not enough: They will get the second briefing on July 14 and after some review and public comments (those should be rich) they plan to vote on something on August 4. I read it seven times and could not really get what they plan to vote on. Maybe politicians understand, but then that just validates my lack of understanding, right?

Sound Transit is expected to release the Environmental Impact Statement in Mid-September. Ok, here’s a question: How can anyone project information on an “environmental” impact if they have no clue what the actual design is? This is just a pretend study of a committee proposed idea of a political concept of a blind faith fad of the week. Sound Transit will have 45 days to allow public comments. Mine is, “huh?”

Sound Transit Board will provide its preferred alternative in spring 2009. But voters may be asked to approve funding in the November 2008 election. Following the Sound Transit announcement the Bellevue City Council will then make its own selection of a preferred alternative. Then King County will announce theirs, followed by Kirkland, Renton, Redmond, Issaquah, and finally Newcastle. The Newcastle alternative will be adopted. Glen, the Lake Boren Carp, will have the final say. Seems fair.

Following each announcement the Newcastle City Council will also announce yet another configuration for the combination City Hall, Library, Post Office, Condo, and Transit Parking facility to be built on a one acre parcel in Newcastle. Each one will be different. It’s a committee.

Al

A New Way to Think About Rain:

Oklahoma City is one of those places where the wind comes whistlin’ down the plains. They get thunder, twisters, lightning, and torrential downpours. The weather comes in from the west and sometimes has people running to the storm cellars. Now the Seattle Sonics are on the way in from the west.

Clay Bennett has managed to secure a settlement with the city to move the team immediately; so there! In exchange the city gets $45 million out of the $75 million in rent the Sonics would have paid over the next two years. And the city gets to keeps the rights to the team name and colors.

That means Oklahoma City has to come up with a new name and color scheme right away or else the NBA won’t let them play. In a gesture of good will the Seattle basketball fans have submitted hundreds of suggestions. We don’t need to review them here because blogspot might remove my blog. Let’s just say some of them are pretty creative, imaginative, and anatomically impossible, if you get my drift.

The NBA promises that Seattle can buy a new team at some point if they really want to have a team. But to do that Seattle has to build a new arena for them to play in, because after all, that old 1962 World’s Fair venue is just not enough space.

And that brings us back to thinking about rain. The agreement essentially says that if taxpayers are somehow tricked into buying a new arena that holds tens of thousands more fans the city will get the other $30 million rent. In other words we would have to seed the clouds with $500 million before they will rain down the $30 million. And in doing so make some filthy rich basketball team owner richer by selling a gazillion luxury box seats. At least there’s a plan.

Al

Transit Center Plans in Newcastle:

We’ve been reviewing the ongoing plans to build a world class rapid transit station on the shores of Lake Boren. Newcastle will someday be the jewel of eastside transit. It could possibly include a professional basketball arena. In the meantime Sound Transit wants to build a transit center at the main intersection in Newcastle.

The plan is to break out the curbing on Coal Creek Parkway and Newcastle Way so busses can get off to the side. I think they call these “bus pockets” or “gopher cheeks” or something. I don’t know.

But in order to make this happen, according to Sound Transit and Newcastle, they’d have to buy parts of adjacent lots. That’s because the right-of-way is already full of road. If you build a pocket wide enough for a big bus to pull off the road and include some of those bus shelters you need more land. Also where do the riders park their cars? I bet they want to add a big parking garage someplace as well.

Sound Transit has no extra money for this project so Newcastle is supposed to help make it happen since the roads belong to them. And, of course, everyone promises it’ll reduce traffic. Gas prices have already done that.

One person who owns a large parcel of land on one of the corners has decided he’s not interested in selling. He says his business would be hurt badly because the gopher cheek would eliminate his customers’ parking and block off the entry. He’s going to fight the whole thing. (Probably fighting for more dollars is what he really wants.)

In a city council meeting the Sound Transit planning people were showing off the drawings of the proposal when a guest showed up. The new person is another traffic planner who had a set of drawings as well. This new person was hired by the objecting land owner. A scuffle ensued and the Newcastle police were summoned to restore order. Later everyone denied there was a scuffle and they said the police were called in (from across the hall) just to give their opinion. Their opinion was “If you kids don’t play nice we’ll confiscate the coffee and donuts.” So everyone calmed right down.

What Sound Transit wants to do is institute a big construction project at a major intersection on Coal Creek Parkway. The road is already a mess further south because of the widening project (Phase 2 & 3) as well as the closure of Duval Ave. The timing would be just about when the widening projects are finished. That way it would take another year before traffic again flows smoothly in Newcastle. And it’s hard enough for Bellevue people to get to the Renton Wal-Mart as it is. But when it’s all done they can take the bus.

Oh, I guess they don’t think they need a parking garage because the busses will run around and pick up people and the “transit center” will be a hub. So while you’re standing in the rain (because the shelters are full) waiting for the bus to Renton you can contemplate things like what to call the Oklahoma City basketball team or why hasn’t the Newcastle Library been built yet?

There’s McDonald’s on one corner and Starbuck’s on another corner as well as the AM/PM on a third corner. Just one more and everyone waiting for busses will be able to get coffee before they catch the next bus. Now Sound Transit will have to consider scheduled potty breaks.

Al