I-90 Closed Again

I-90 Closed by Avalanche; Britney Rushed to Hospital:
An avalanche buried parts of I-90 in Western Washington and as far east as New York apparently. “We’ve had a lot of snow and all we can say is we hope Britney’s OK.” Said a spokesperson from the DOT.

I-90 and US 2 are either closed or really backed up in the Cascade Mountains. The third alternative, US 12, is not an easy drive in winter. Newcastle people who need to get over the mountains are pretty much going to have to wait until spring. Christine and the state Secretary of Transportation flew to North (Twin Peaks) Bend to view the backup. The governor issued this statement: “This is one of the worst backups we’ve ever seen and I just hope Britney is OK.”

Rudi and Edwards dropped out of the Presidential Race in order to spend more time at the hospital with Britney. “It’s a tragic situation when people can’t use a major interstate highway to visit a sick friend,” said a saddened Rudi.

OK, you try watching the morning news and see if you can keep from being confused. I looked out the window and there’s no snow at my house.

I-90 has been closed a lot this week due to natural avalanche events as well as what they call “avalanche control.” They shoot howitzers at snow banks hoping to trigger lots of small slides in order to prevent big ones. Since some of these small slides occasionally cover the highway it’s a good idea to close it while the shooting is going on. Also the people who shoot the guns are state employees so it’s anybody’s guess how good their aim is.

Yesterday after almost a day and a half with I-90 closed it was reopened. The avalanche controllers and snow removal gangs were taking a break and kerbang a huge natural avalanche buried the whole road near Granite Mountain. It’s down hill from where the action usually takes place and must have been waiting for everyone to relax.

Fortunately nobody was lost but the quantity of snow is enormous and they’ve been digging out all night. We had three feet of new snow since Monday up there and expect another three feet before Friday. That’s tomorrow. I’m always amazed at the astounding difference in weather between here and just 40 miles east of here.

I’m staying on this side of the hill for a week or so. I don’t want to be too far from a TV because I need an update on Britney every 10 minutes.

Al

Bike path for airport trade

Memorandum of Understanding Establishing a Framework for Intensified Cooperation:

A few years ago BNSF (Motto: we’ll find a logo we like - some day) announced the sale of their rail spur between Renton and Snohomish. They use it about once a day for bulk cargo. I’m too lazy to research what.

King County wanted the corridor for a bike trail but without actually paying money. The county established a framework of intensified cooperation with the Port of Seattle. The Port would buy the rail corridor and then trade it to King County for the King County Airport, better known as Boeing Field. No, that’s not where Boeing builds 737s. In fact Boeing doesn’t build airplanes at Boeing Field.

The county and the port had this kind of worked out and were only waiting for BNSF to finish its major improvements in Renton. Believe me, Renton needs it. Once these are complete BNSF will no longer need the part that runs north from Renton to Snohomish.

Have you looked at a map yet? It helps.

Then a wild group jumped up and said it would be stupid to use that 42 miles just for a bike path and why don’t we also run commuter trains on it? They used it for the Dinner Train and people liked that. Right? They say there will still be enough room for a bike path beside the track. Maybe cost $250 million or so. Not bad compared to building a proper 42 mile commuter rail line from scratch.
And then it gets complicated.

(Get the map now) The Port of Seattle currently owns the big Seattle airport called Sea-Tac. It was named that when we thought Tacoma was going to be important. They also own the ship docks in Seattle, hence the name “Port of Seattle.”

Well the Port of Seattle is building a third runway at Sea-Tac. In order to raise the ground to the level of the existing runways they needed about half a million truck loads of dirt. We know where to get that – Maple Valley. That’s one of the reasons the Maple Valley Highway is so dump truck intensive.

However, the previous Port comish got a little too cozy with the contractor and it appears they spent about $97 million more than they should have for dirt. Dirt rolling on the Maple Valley Highway is more valuable than I thought. I should have grabbed a handful.

Now I’m wondering if the whole framework of intensified cooperation is still on. The dirt hauling audit is resulting in criminal charges and that might result in somebody questioning how the Port could just trade away the dang airport. Just asking that question could delay the process for years.

But back to the commuter rail cum bike path. These heavy thinkers are pretty sure we could replace the existing rails with high speed rails and run fast commuter trains between Bellevue and Snohomish. The road that we drive up there on now is called highway 9. It’s a bear. You need a real reason to go. If there was a fast commuter train people would probably ride that instead. Or ride a bike. Either way is better than highway 9.

Here’s a potential problem. We’d never be able to get approval to run fast trains on the route. Traffic in Totem Lake is so bad at the grade crossings that the Dinner Train had to stop at a red light. If you ran a commuter train every 15 minutes Totem Lake would gridlock so bad they’d have to close CompUSA and Larry’s Market. Oh, wait, they already did that…. See?

Anyway, the existing rail line twists and turns, crosses I-90 and I-405 (3 times), and has about 100 grade crossings plus a huge 100 year old wooden trestle. That’s really why BNSF wants to stop running trains. It’d cost an untold fortune to put in the federally mandated safety improvements to prevent trains bumping into commuters. Some of those grade crossings are major 6 lane streets. And let’s not even discuss Bellevue.

OK, that’s just whining. The real reason I don’t like that commuter rail plan is the current route doesn’t go near Lake Boren. What’s the point of spending money on commuters if they can’t visit Newcastle? But I do like the entertainment. These heavy thinkers will have trouble thinking their way out of the grade crossing issue. Not to mention getting $250 million in funding that doesn’t include cost of the actual trains. Oh, I just mentioned it. But I like to watch as long as they don’t raise my taxes.

Al

Doomed Alaska Way Viaduct

Doomed Alaska Way Viaduct:
My esteemed governess, Christine, has made it clear that she’s going to knock down the viaduct by 2012 whether there’s a plan to replace it or not. I thought you might like to see some of the reasons we think it’s too shaky.

The thing that looks like ivy growing up the support is actually the Nisqually Earthquake. I didn’t know it but apparently earthquakes can grow like vines. If we cut that off the support it might fall.

The old Fremont Troll (sometimes called the Montlake Troll) has moved to the viaduct in hopes of scaring away the next earthquake. Hope it works.

The main viaduct is dark gray in front of the buildings. Notice on the lower left is a parking lot sign that says you have to pay to park under the structure. No liability if it falls on your car.

The South Lake Union Streetcar (SLUT) blue car is shown here even though it doesn’t go to Alaska Way. It’s just a fun thing.

Al

Washington State Primary

Presidential Primary - NOT:
We here in Washington, the state, will receive primary ballots in the mail in the next couple weeks. We’ll be asked to choose a party (of the five) and cast a vote for our favorite candidate from that party only. Fred will be on it but he’s already dropped out. It’s not due until February 19 so we can wait until after Super Tuesday and see who else has left. Might make it easy.

Included in the mailing will be paper we have to sign promising that we won’t participate in a caucus of the other party. If we vote on a Republican ballot we have to promise we won’t go to a Democrat caucus. Umm, wait. If we have a primary why are we talking about a caucus? Because nobody’s in charge! Christine is driving her big bulldozer up the shoulder of I-5 toward the Alaska Way Viaduct so she’s busy.

But it gets worse: on the Democrat side the primary won’t mean anything because all of their delegates will be chosen from caucus results. On the Republican side only half are caucus and other half are Primary results. So there’s a potential that half of the Washington State delegation at the Republican Convention will proudly cast a vote for Fred Thompson. Standing O to follow.

We’re tossing a whole election for virtually no reason. And since the caucuses will be over before Feb. 19 our votes will just be so much noise. Sort a referendum on the election process itself. Anybody know what a caucus is or where to find one? Now I’m curious.

So I say we need write-ins. For example what if all the Democrats wrote in Britney Spears? Wouldn’t mean a thing. What about if nobody at all votes? They’d still file charges of voter fraud.

Oh, by the way; if you see Clay Bennett tell him it’s OK to go ahead and move the Sonics to Oklahoma City now. As long as he takes the 12 game losing streak and tattoos it across his forehead.

Al

Sasquatch Sighting

Devil's Slide

Visiting the Snow:
This was a weekend when I went to visit the snow. We rarely get snow here in the Greater Newcastle megalopolis because the Pacific Ocean keeps us wet and mild. Our mountains get most of the snow. It can even snow in the mountains when it’s sunny in Newcastle. Ha ha, just kidding, the sun never shines in Newcastle.

A lot of your Western Washington residents like to go play in the snow because afterward they can return home and marvel at how rhododendrons can bloom in January. In February the blossoms turn brown and fall to the ground.

One method of visiting the snow is via snowmobile. That’s a kind of motorcycle that has a rubber track and runners instead of wheels. Amazing devices. But you aren’t supposed to ride them any place except on snow. And since the snow covers the mountains we need to go there to ride. You load them on a trailer and drag the whole outfit to where the rig gets stuck in the snow and there you are.

Well, on this particular trip we managed to visit a place called Devil’s Slide on the snowmobiles. It’s aptly named because it would be a devil to climb up and you’d probably slide back down. We didn’t make it to the top of Devil’s Slide because the snow and loose rocks were just too slick. But, in the tradition of Americans in the woods we made a fine mess. Snowmobile parts strewn along the trail for miles. What fun.

People who’re really into it ware helmets and brightly colored spacesuits while riding machines with names like “Sno-eater” or “Avalanche Masher” and stuff. They go upwards of 100 mph and don’t seem to have any barriers. If the Forest Service needs a road cleared of drifts they just put up a sign that says “Snowmobiles KEEP OUT!” and in a couple of hours the drifts are gone.

We saw 26 bears, 13 moose, about 300 elk, and 2 sasquatch. At least I think they were sasquatch. They might have been imaginative snowmobile jumpsuits. Their machines were pretty fast.

In any case it was a very nice weekend and I had a lot of fun. On the way home we ate at the Red Horse Drive-In just outside Ellensburg. We had great food all weekend and great company. Hard to beat a good weekend. Even if we did see sasquatch.

Al

Things I Don't Get

It’s Always Something:

I need to understand why there are so many things I don’t get. For example I don’t get why Newcastle wants its own ZIP code? Of all the important things going on in the world why is that an issue? Maybe it’s just me.

Another thing I don’t get is all the hundreds of annoying little tasks a person should do every day. If you actually followed directions on stuff you’d spend all your time oiling, adjusting, resetting, dusting, watering, or otherwise messing with something. My strategy is to wait for it to go bad and then find a new model with sealed barings that don’t need oil.

Another example of stuff I don’t get is maintaining this magnificent machine of a body. If I did all the stuff they want me to I’d never have time to get sick. Maybe that’s the point. If my whole day consists of eating fiber, walking, and drinking water I’d spend whatever’s left sleeping or in the bathroom – maybe both. I couldn’t possibly get sick because I’d never have time to see another human to catch something from.

And the danged vehicle: don’t get me started. Stupid thing seems to need gas after only 300 miles or so. Just once couldn’t it wait 600 miles? That little gas pump light on the dash seems like it’s always lit. And oil, tires, plugs, wiper blades, washer fluid, gear shift knob, headlights and front bumper darn near once a month. It just goes on and on. Brake shoes seem to last forever, though.

Another thing I don’t get is how seemingly magic technology goes bad. Take batteries. I could get a boat load at Costco or I could use rechargeable ones. The problem is rechargeable batteries always need charging. And if you try to “top them off” just before you need them they go permanently bad. Not a flicker. So off to Costco I go. People fear robots will take over the world some day. If they run on batteries it won’t happen.

OK this is about my Dell keyboard missing letters. I type a paragraph and then review it and several words are missing a letter. It’s getting worse so that points to hardware. Software goes bad all at once whilst hardware seems to just deteriorate. It gets tired of producing all the letters and decides to it would be easier to do most of them. Do keyboards have batteries?

Hard to imagine an issue with a Dell but it happens. I have this pristine Gateway keyboard that came with my Gateway laptop. It never got used because the laptop has its keyboard built in. Why did they send me a spare? Another thing I don’t get. If I understood stuff like that I probably wouldn’t need to eat fiber. Anybody know of fiber that tastes good?

So here’s my challenge. I need to use this Gateway keyboard for a few days while I try to clean the Dell keyboard. As if I have time to clean keyboards.

And why is it a challenge? Because if it’s not a hardware problem it might be my fault. Heaven forbid I’d blame myself for my problems. There are lots of other people who can do that – (blame me for their problems) so I don’t need to get in THAT line.

Anyway, so far the good news is the Gateway keyboard (which I’m using right now) seems to be working fine and not dropping characters and not going “BONG” every two or three minutes.

“BONG! I SEE YOU HAVE TOO MANY ICONS ON YOUR DESKTOP! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO MOVE THEM TO OKLAHOMA CITY? WITH THE SONICS? WELL, WHAT ABOUT IT?”

So now I get to try it on the Internet. It’s a good thing I have spell checker or my email would be even harder to read than it is.

Al

PS: How’s the blog working for you? So far I’m in dual mode to support the people who have very slow internets. But the blog has pictures and links now. What fun!

Some Local History

History of Newcastle:

Newcastle in its current incarnation was incorporated in 1994. Seems like last century. The name comes from two earlier towns in the area. We still have a few artifacts from those early Newcastles including one of the original houses.

The first Newcastle was a mining camp that got moved to become the second Newcastle. Neither one incorporated but the name came from the big industrial coal city in England. People had big plans for coal back then.

Several of our local place names came from coal mining, such as Coalfield, Coal Creek, and Black Diamond. Coal mining was going to be profitable for a long time. That was the view in the 1860s anyway.

The last of the mines closed in the 1960s because the economy of mining and transporting coal evaporated. None of the mine entrances remain open because people would probably go into them and get lost – forever. Whenever an old mine entrance is found the people in charge of protecting us from ourselves plug it up with concrete. But we still find a new one to plug up every few years. Sometimes a yard suddenly sinks and hundreds of politicians gather around pledging to do something about it.

After the mines closed the Rabanco people started a landfill for construction material. They eventually created a mountain of debris and now there’s a golf course on top of it. So when a mine shaft collapses the hole fills with trash and golfers.

Glen, the Lake Boren Carp, was just another fish in the pond before coal was discovered in the Newcastle area. He was around to see most of the activity and has some interesting stories. In those early mining days the creeks had more water and Glen was smaller so he was able to get around easier. These days he has to travel at night to avoid upsetting folks who fear giant fish.

When the large coal vein was discovered in Newcastle in 1863 there were no rail lines to carry coal to Lake Washington. During those first years it was hauled in freight wagons drawn by mules. Glen tells me the wagons were very heavy and it took a lot of mules to pull them out of the hills. They would load a wagon with coal and then start hitching up mules. By the time the last mules were hitched the first pair had already reached the lake. Dock workers turned them around and sent them back toward the mine. That was convenient because the mule skinner (that’s the wagon driver) could check on his animals as they went by going the other way. It’s easy to see where that old wagon road was because things grow very well due to the natural fertilizer.

At the dock on Lake Washington coal was loaded on barges that carried it to the south end of Lake Union. We’ve heard of that lake before. Dock workers unloaded the coal and it took another wagon ride through Seattle to the Pike Street Pier. At that point it was loaded on ships headed for places like San Francisco. Seattle’s first train hauled coal from the South Lake Union docks to the Pike Street Pier beginning in 1872. Railroads replaced freight wagons in most coal mining areas by the late 1870s.

Descendents of those mules still roam the hills of Newcastle. Ha ha, that’s a joke. Mules can’t have offspring. Bet you didn’t know that.

Glen has seen continuous change during the past 160 years. When you drive through Newcastle today it looks a lot like an ordinary suburb (roads under construction) with houses and grocery stores. It’s hard to imagine people have been living and working in the area since 1853. Well, it’s hard to imagine people working there anyway.

One of the key reasons the coal barges stopped at Lake Union was rapids near the current location of the Ballard Locks. Barges and large boats could not negotiate the rapids. Therefore lake boats stayed in the lake and ocean going ships stayed in Puget Sound. In those days it was reasonable to haul coal by wagon, train, barge, and ship to sell in larger markets. After the Ballard Locks opened in 1913 ships could move between Lake Washington and Puget Sound.
In the South Lake Union area in 1890 the Seattle Electric Railway and Power Company successfully laid streetcar tracks to downtown Seattle in just five days. They used the same route as the old Seattle Coal and Transportation Company rail line which was no longer in use. This streetcar line was eventually extended to Fremont and Ballard. It finally closed in the late 1940s. In July 2006 the South Lake Union Streetcar (SLUT) track laying was started and took a year and a half to lay 1.3 miles. Times change.

In 1903 John Olmsted proposed a park on the shore at South Lake Union. They finally broke ground in 2006. That means soon the South Lake Union Streetcar will soon have someplace to go. In 1913 Henry Ford opened a Model T assembly plant there. The building is now a Public Storage facility. In 1998 the old Ford Building was designated a Seattle City Landmark. Be sure to check it out next time you ride the Trolley.

Given the slow progress in rail construction these days I think the rapid transit line connecting Newcastle to the rest of the Seattle metropolitan area will take some time. And that’s good because Glen has plenty of stories.

Al

Links

Links:

When I began the blog I promised there would be links and pictures. There are pictures but I haven’t done much with links yet. So here are a few pertinent ones in case you want to look at some of the stuff I talk about. Most of these will have to do with transportation or local government.

Newcastle:

http://www.ci.newcastle.wa.us/index.asp

Washington State DOT: http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/

Sound Transit: http://www.soundtransit.org/

Cougar Mountain Regional Park: http://www.metrokc.gov/parks/parks/cougarmountain.html

Bellevue Parks: http://www.metrokc.gov/parks/parks/cougarmountain.html

And one of the few rules in blogging is that I have absolutely no control over the content of any other site. You go to that site and it’s theirs. For example if you send the WSDOT an email complaining about some remark I made they will send you a $49 ticket for crossing the bridge without paying. It’s their standard answer to all email.

Also, if you’re new to the whole concept of a blog it’s kind of a natural extension of what I’ve been doing. The main difference is anyone who happens to stumble onto it via Google or whatever can read it. With the email version anyone who gets it can forward the email to anyone else. With a blog all you need to send is the URL.

A blog is just a log or diary that’s posted on the web. Blog is short for web log. That’s about all for now; my head is full.

Al

Christine Issues Orders

“In Other News We Turn to the Difficult Life of Britney Spears”:

Leading up to the Iowa Caucuses we kept hearing the smart suave news commentators telling us the results won’t mean much because it’s not a real vote, January weather will effect results, history, blah blah blah. So this morning the same dudes are predicting who will be the next president based on the Iowa results.

On the day the Iowa results are announced everyone is talking about how they knew it would go this way and how it shows what’s going to happen in November what’s next and oh my my. And how does Christine handle it? “The Alaska Way Viaduct needs to be replaced by 2012 or I will tear it down.”

Dang, she must be a Hillary supporter.

Anyway, we only half expect Christine to personally take one of those big orange machines start hacking away at the viaduct. Sure would be entertaining.

To bring us up to date:

· After declaring years ago that we have to replace the viaduct immediately due to earthquake damage we still don’t have an agreeable plan.

· Ron, the King County Executive, wants to replace it with a new viaduct.

· Greg, the mayor, wanted a tunnel instead but that adds about a billion bucks to the cost. Probably a lot more.

· Last year they decided to see how voters felt about it in a “non-binding, completely advisory” vote. They only asked Seattle voters because it has more dead voters or something. But instead of asking “which do you prefer?” they asked two separate questions. So everyone who wanted the replacement voted “yes” to that and “no” to the tunnel. Everyone who wanted the tunnel voted “yes” to that and “no” to the replacement. Everyone who has either already passed away or otherwise didn’t care voted “no” to both questions. So the “no” votes outnumbered the “yes” votes. Politicians couldn’t see how that could happen. Duh. So now everyone is saying the citizens have made their choice clear, and they don’t want either solution, even though the total number of “yes” votes clearly says they WANT A SOLUTION. Sorry, I’ll calm down now.

· So Greg proposed a really cool plan to replace the 6 lane viaduct freeway by installing timed traffic lights on the surface streets. He’s so funny. Have you seen his nightclub act?

· Christine wants it replaced with a new viaduct but will accept a tunnel if Greg can find the extra money (maybe we can grab some of Oregon’s when they’re not looking).

· Christine already has $2.8 billion just waiting to begin work on the Viaduct.

· Several other panic stricken roadway zombies are trying to get that viaduct money and spend it on the Evergreen Point Floating Bridge replacement because they say it’s in more danger. Sissies.

So today Christine says she’s going to demolish the existing structure in 2012 and people better get to work and agree on a replacement plan. Yikes.

I’m still confused about why that “non-binding advisory” vote last year is considered the will of the “people.” As I pointed out the real result is people want a replacement. That’s clear. It’s like asking a class of 10th graders “How many want to go to the park?” and then “How many want to go to the beach?” And then announcing, “You kids seem indecisive so we’ll just stay here and study.”

Why did that vote only involve Seattle people? Oh, yeah, it was advisory and non-binding so there was no reason to involve everyone who would eventually have to pay for it. Don’t want to wake up the whole neighborhood just to check which way the wind is blowing.

Oh, and what about Britney? I don’t care!

Al

Great! The Glitches Are In Charge Now:

Great! The Glitches Are In Charge Now:

Previously we mentioned that the bus tunnel in Seattle that connects Newcastle to the King Street Station was shut down for over a week due to a “computer glitch.” Well, it’s happened again. The fireworks on top of the Space Needle were boofed up due to the “computer glitch.” Reporters don’t have a clue why some things don’t work so they blame the computer glitch.

A professional pyrotechnician group put a ton of fireworks on top of the Space Needle and connected them to a PC. It was planned to be a coordinated show with fire and music beginning at midnight Pacific Standard Time. This same team has been doing this for 14 years. They used the same control software as the last few years but with a new computer running the Winders Vista operating system. What could possibly go wrong?

Vista: “It looks like you’re trying to set off fireworks. Would you like help with that?”

Pyrotechnician: Clicks; NO.

Vista: “Are you sure you want to light that fuse?”

Pyrotechnician: Clicks; OK.

Vista: “Click ‘OK’ again to download ActiveX Control.”

Pyro: “The music has started – get on with it!”

Vista: “Please wait……………”

Pyro: “Crap, I’ll light it myself.”

Vista: “I wouldn’t do that; please wait………….”

Pyro: “We have a schedule and we ran this sequence over and over to get the timing just right!” Clicks; OK Dammit (an undocumented button).

Vista: “Just for that we’re downloading a critical update and will automatically reboot your system.”

Pyro: “Fine! But you better be quick because the next rocket is aimed at Redmond.” And goes out on the roof to light the fuses.

The music finished way before the fireworks.

In other news: Shortly after the fireworks ended a personal computer loudly glitched into the parking lot near the Space Needle early on New Years Night. Nobody was injured but the PC was a total loss. Looks like Apple is about to sell another Mac.

Al

Another Personal Freedom Falls

Another Personal Freedom Falls:

Starting today, January 2, 2008, we won’t be allowed to “text” whilst driving. That means sending a text message via cell phone behind the wheel. What better reason could we have for taking the bus or train? Personally I don’t think I can spend more than ten minutes behind the wheel without the overwhelming urge to text. It’s an obsession. Wait, is that “obcession?” No, I guess not.

So here’s my plan: first learn new lingo for texting. They shorten phrases that get used often to a few letters. For example “bite me” would just be BM. That could mean a couple of other things just as appropriate. It’s all in how you read it. And I need to subscribe to some of those internet happy face symbols that depict emotions. The goal is to reduce my text messages to a series of letters and symbols so that I can send an entire note in mere seconds. Because, if there’s one goal in this life it’s to do something illegal without getting caught. Certainly not actual communication. Right?

To help catch naughty drivers Seattle is installing red light photo boxes at 24 “more” intersections. If you’re texting and don’t notice the light is red you may scoot through the intersection. Click! You get a ticket in the mail for $101. It’s going to cost a million bucks to do all 24 intersections but the city says the ones already installed have paid for themselves two and a half times. For those of you who haven’t passed the WASL it means a good deal. We don’t know if they’ll actually analyze the photos to see if the driver was doing something other than driving but they could.

That sets up a challenge sport. Here’s how it would work. You get a witness or two in the car and they make a list of all the stupid stuff you do that you shouldn’t. Like eating a taco, applying makeup, phoning ET, brushing your cat, and texting… The one who wins is the one that does the most stupid stuff while running the red light and does NOT get a ticket in the mail. Losers have to pay the $101 and take the WASL again. Oh, and if you have a wreck, you lose by default.

This is yet another good reason to take the bus. One possible outcome is that you lose your license which means you have to ride the bus anyway, so you might as well get used to it. I’ll see you at the Lake Boren Transit Center where I’ll wave as I drive on the newly opened Coal Creek Parkway. Wait, is waving still legal?

Al

Pass the Waffles, Please

Washington state, home of Bigfoot and Glen the Lake Boren Carp, has imposed a condition on our school kids. In order to qualify as a edgicated person they have to pass the WASL – (Washington Assessment of Student Learning), apparently pronounced “waffle.” This test “measures student learning of the state’s academic standards” and I want to say those are some pretty good standards. For example the Washington State DOT thinks an 18% error rate is just dandy for issuing $49 tickets to drivers on the new bridge. New math.

Have you come face to face with a recent HS grad at Wendy’s? If the cash register tells them your change is 63 cents it takes them 10 minutes to figure out how many quarters that is. So maybe the Superintendent of Public Instruction has a point. This brings up the title of the test. If we’re testing student learning doesn’t that mean we’re testing how the teachers are doing? To me this is really bass ackwards.

First we should make a point of adequately funding the schools and paying teachers so better educated people from other states will come and train our kids. Because it’s hard to teach gooder if half your mind is focused on food stamps and rent and the other half is focused on inadequate school supplies and heat in the danged classroom.

See? I could pass the WASL because I was able to use two forms of the word "adequate" correctly in the same paragraph. Pretty smart.

Parents are really annoyed with the WASL. They want little Billy to graduate so they can pay some large university to baby sit him for the next four years. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that the baby sitting won’t last very long if Billy can’t read. But if Billy can’t pass the WASL he won’t graduate.

So what have parents done to help the little tyke pass? Sue the state to abolish the test. And little Billy ends up living with them because he can’t find a job. But the parents feel righteous because they voted “NO” on every proposal to improve schools and their little genius has a high school diploma. Bravo.

OK, is there a point here? I don’t know. Oh, yeah, in Civics Class we learned that in order for society to work members have to participate in funding. We call it taxes. Sure, it can be annoying but so is the dentist. If you never go to the dentist you may not be able to chew your food at some point. And if you don’t pay taxes you don’t get roads, schools, police, and congress.

And that’s about where it all starts to fall apart. If I could draw of picture of how this really works I’d be a famous artist because it’s very abstract and four dimensional. So to keep my head from exploding I need focus on plans for a rapid transit station on the shimmering shores of Lake Boren.

My waffle question to you is: If a train leaves Boston going west at 24 mph toward Cincinnati and another train leaves Winnemucca going east at 36 mph toward Cleveland will they ever be in Ohio at the same time? Why? Who wants to go to Ohio? When do we leave?

For extra credit: What if a train left Seattle at 72 mph headed for Oklahoma City with the Sonics’ basketball team? Well what about it?!? Would it pass through Ohio? Could we catch it and make them come back? Film at 11. Oh, and show your work.

Al